How to respond when someone calls you racist

How to respond when someone calls you racist

How to respond when someone calls you racist

As we march for justice for the lives of Jacob Blake, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Tony McDade, and many others, our daily lives must now include uncomfortable but necessary conversations around race. In the past, we’ve been taught to be defensive and dodge accountability when we’re called out. It’s so much easier to sweep everything under the rug, rather than taking a deeper look at what’s broken within our understanding of freedom and equality. It’s time to be open to active listening, empathy and acceptance of where each person is on their journey to social consciousness.


Below, we listed a few possible responses and additional resources to help you educate yourself while navigating conversations around race:

    1. You’re right. I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize that I was doing that. Thank you for pointing it out. I won’t do it again. Anti-racist work is about respecting boundaries. When I call people out for being racist, I’m not trying to knock down anyone’s self-esteem. I’m creating a boundary: I don’t allow oppressive language and actions in my space. As allies, we need to respect the boundaries that the Black community is setting around their collective grief. Most of the time, we don’t even know we’re doing it. Be grateful that someone has taken the time to point it out so that you can move forward with awareness.
    2. I’m sorry for saying/doing things that offended you. I’m going to take some time to think about this so that I can respond humbly.
      We’re allowed to pause if we don’t know what to say. Pride makes it difficult to take accountability for our actions. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy for us to put the blame back on the people who are calling us out. It’s easier to say that someone else is “too sensitive” instead of looking inward to see if we actually caused any harm. This behavior is also called gaslighting. Prevent any instances of gaslighting by taking a moment to reflect and respond without the fear of being wrong.
    3. I apologize for doing/saying that. I’m going to step back and figure out why I felt the need to say it. Being called out can feel triggering. Triggers have the power to distort the way that we see the person in front of us. We stop seeing the person in front of us because our brains have already traveled back to an old memory. It’s important to figure out what emotions are coming up for us after being called out, but we need to deal with it alone so that we aren’t asking our Black friends to perform more emotional labor for us.
    4. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I’m happy to hold space for your feelings, if you have more to say. During the times that I was on the receiving end of racism, the first thing that I did was talk to my friends and family about how hurt I felt. I had to hold onto the negative thoughts and feelings I felt until I could find someone else in my community to dump it on. Offering to hold space for the person you hurt allows them to release resentment instead of keeping it pent up and carrying it throughout the rest of their day.
    5. You’re right. I’m sorry. Would you be willing to help me understand where I went wrong? In exchange, I can offer _______. Please do not assume that our Black friends and community members have time, energy, or space to educate you. Between social media and Google, there are a lot of ways to learn more about the history of racism. If you’re interested in continuing a friendship or relationship with the person who called you out, ask if they are willing to tell you how to better respect their boundaries. Make an offering — lunch, dinner, or whatever feels valuable to the both of you. The time, resources and energy it takes to educate someone are worth more than you think.

Additional resources

 

Written by: Leo Aquino (they/them) is a storyteller living in Los Angeles. They love reading books on the beach and eating Filipino food. Follow Leo @sunshine.baby.leo.

 

 

  • Your period
  • Your lifestyle
  • Your concerns

Typically, how many days is your period?

How heavy is your flow on your heaviest days?

When did your last period start?

How many weeks do you typically have between periods?

What period product do you use most frequently?

How disruptive can your period be to your life?

What bothers you most about having your period?

What is the one thing you wish you could change about your period?

  • < 2 Days
  • 3 Days
  • 4 Days
  • 5 Days
  • 6 Days
  • 7 Days
  • > 8 Days
LIGHT (1-2 tampons/day)
MEDIUM (3-4 tampons/day)
HEAVY (4-5 tampons/day)
  • < 2 Weeks
  • 3 Weeks
  • 4 Weeks
  • 5 Weeks
  • 6 Weeks
  • 7 Weeks
  • > 8 Weeks
Tampon Tampons
Pad Pads
Menstrual Cup Cup
Menstrual Disc Discs
Period Panties Period Panties
Ellipses Others
Can’t get out of bed
Can’t do certain activities
I mostly feel uncomfortable
Just like any other day
I’m constantly running to the bathroom
I can’t sleep through the night
My work out routine is thrown off
I can’t have sex
I feel uncomfortable
Less cramping
Less odor
Fewer leaks
Risk of TSS
Less waste
If you’re not sure, choose MEDIUM.

All done!

What email would you like your results sent to?

By clicking "See My Results" you agree to
receive email from The Flex Company.

Here is our pick for you!
Flex Box
plan type
Light plan $6.50
4 Discs per cycle per period
frequency
8 Discs every 2 months
Light Flow Starter Kit
Includes 8 discs + our Getting Started Guide

We will automatically ship 8 discs for $12.99 every two months starting on . We’ll remind you before we process the next order. You can pause or cancel anytime, online.

Flex Box
plan type
Medium plan $12
8 Discs per cycle per period
frequency
16 Discs every 2 months
Medium Flow Starter Kit
Includes 8 discs + our Getting Started Guide

We will automatically ship 16 discs for $23.99 every one month starting on . We’ll remind you before we process the next order. You can pause or cancel anytime, online.

Flex Box
plan type
Heavy plan $14
Discs per cycle per period
frequency
24 Discs every 2 months
Heavy Flow Starter Kit
Includes 12 discs + our Getting Started Guide

We will automatically ship 24 discs for $27.99 every one month starting on . We’ll remind you before we process the next order. You can pause or cancel anytime, online.

Try FLEX with some liners at first.

Sometimes you just feel better with a little backup. FLEX plus liners would be a great combination for you while you transition to FLEX to help guard against leaks until you get the hang of positioning FLEX.

Not ready for membership? Try just one FLEX.

Here is our pick for you

Flexcup Discovery Kit
Flexcup Discovery Kit

FLEX Cup

$32.99 71+ Reviews

1 Menstrual Cup

  • + 1 Carrying Pouch
  • + 2 free Menstrual Discs

The FLEX Cup comes with 2 free FLEX Discs for you to try so that you can experience two new and innovative period products for no extra charge.

Free US Shipping

No Image